sixteen. David and Patrick.

Unapologetic David

Fearless Patrick.

Their big smiles entered my life a few years back when we collided on a mission to empower homeless youth to create a community of safety and meaning in an after -school program. Current high school students themselves, they brought their passion and knowledge of technology to the kids and pushed them to experiment with the power of expression not only for the little 5 year olds, but for the sassy 16 year olds alike. I think we all discovered through discussion today around our slices of pizza in a rusty old restaurant that this power only grows as we do.

It never fails that when I get the chance to spend time with these young men…I am slapped across the face with how much I have to learn from everyone around me. At times I can tell that they think I am “teaching” them, but I know they are always teaching me. I feel so lucky to learn from these two teachers.

Excited about the logistics of the new youth cooperative idea, Urban Sanctuary, David and Patrick spent time today asking some brilliant questions that pushed me to think deeper about what that place will become, why it will, how it will, and ultimately who it will impact.

Their reactional creativity sparked a fire in all of us that seems to be rising in our bellies in efforts to live our life’s in a constant ever- flowing space where we can create, dream, explore and work alongside people who allow us to be who we are: flawed and brave. This path seems to be lined with struggles. It's not easy or simple. It is the most important thing we may ever do.

As we were explaining these struggles that all of are finding in life right now, Patrick told us this story:

“Fleas can jump 150x their height. Which is really amazing in itself if you think about the biology behind it. They are born with this skill that not many other species have. They know they have it, and they just do it without thinking. However, if you put a flee in a mason jar….it will not stop jumping. It will keep trying for days and days. After two days though, even if you take the lid off, the flea will no longer jump 150x it’s height any longer. It can now only jump as high as the lid. I loved this story cause it so brilliantly explained to me the commonalties between the flee, and the human condition in all us.”

As I watched my young teacher share this lesson with us, I realized a few mason jars I have climbed into myself.  They come in the form of these thoughts that seem to creep in from time to time (sometimes screaming thoughts) that I cannot do something, or that I am not good enough for that….yet. Both David and Patrick shared similar ideas that they needed more time to be great at this or great at that.

I can’t help but think, “Aren’t we born, much like the flees, to jump as high as we would like just because we are innately pretty magnificent?” If you look at the biology alone! 

Maybe it is the cliché to say , you will do exactly what you say you will do. But, it is more then what we say, and even more then what we do. It comes down to what we think. All saying and doing follows.

I can’t help but write this blog with a sense of profound sadness. I think our society in America is one that is constantly forcing lids upon its youth, upon it’s woman, upon minorities, upon white men, upon everyone. These lids start with our education system as a whole, and seems to follow a long line of lids all the way to parenting, mentors who are too busy to build relationships, and leaves us in a unconnected sea of others scattering all around us: searching for their own self worth in never ending circles that somehow quickly become our everyday routines.

I feel like I have to rip lids off my thoughts everyday. Lids about my body, lids about my job, lids about my roles, lids about my feelings, lids about my past, lids about who I am “suppose” to be and who I am constantly becoming. I get exhausted from ripping all these lids off so often, and Patrick so perfectly explained to me why I have been a little worn out recently. In my life right now, there seems to be lots of constant ripping going on coupled with frustrations since I know I put some lids on myself . One could argue that I choose to leave some on from long ago too. One could argue I have created some lids just for me in efforts to not be as happy as I know I can be. Just as I put them on, one could argue I am the only one who can rip them off. 

I look forward to the time when I have less lids.

I have less now then ever so 'progress not perfection' is a good thing to strive for. I think fully understand 'progress not perfection' is healing in itself. Who invented that word "perfect" anyway. That's the world's most awful word.

I am getting exhausted from hitting the lids too, so I would assume that this exhaustion is a good sign- a push for change.

I want Urban Sanctuary to be an open mason jar with no lid. I want it to be, well I NEED it to be ,a place that provides warmth, family, community, love, struggle and discovery through endless searching- even if it means exhaustion sometimes.

Transformation runs deep and begins with our thoughts.