twenty six. Superwoman.

I could see the lit up stage through the opening between the metal bars that hold up the market stalls and I could hear the sky train roaring above me as it passed stuffed to the brim with everyday people headed home from a day of hard work. The stage held up two Thai dancers floating around it with the beat of seemingly ancient sounds. Their traditional dress was sparkling with glitter of gold and pink and even after living in Thailand for sometime, I still have to remind myself that these beautiful people are not porcelain dolls. 

As I brought up the sticky spring roll to my mouth everything about my being suddenly felt heavy. Like the commuters I find my days especially long in that last few weeks. I became very aware of the tiredness of my body; my worn and wandering mind; my spirit drained from the recent struggles. The music seemed too loud to endure and I stood to go home. I needed to rest. I needed time to breathe. My thoughts gently brought me to a memory of my Jessica. A flash, and my thoughts then guided me to the screen of my phone from my commute into the city as the sun rose with the day this morning. Jess’s message read, ” I am sorry I haven’t gotten back to you. It’s been a tough week, I have pneumonia.”

That alone would cause me to worry. It never feels good to know someone you love is sick especially when you are one million miles away. As I walked I thought about how tired her body must be. I was thinking how achy she must feel, I wondered if her chest hurt and if she had any medicine that would make it better since she is one of those woman that doesn’t complain much and insist that they can stick out anything...and they do.  I wondered how her mind and her spirit were too? Undoubtly also tired.

As I was going to take care of myself I know that Jess, even when she is sick most often cannot, definitely cannot like I can. I knew that the reason why she was sick was also because she simply won't make the time to care for herself, not with little ones around her who have stolen her heart.

Jess is a mother. 

Jess works with youth who need extra assistance in one way or another which means that after an early and quick fired morning getting her two children ready, she spends the day with other little ones who need all of her love and all of her attention. 

Then she comes home to a five year old (that you have read about before- my Jacina) who doesn’t understand the language, “calm down.” Jacina now has a new little brother and has started Kindergarten. Frankly even at such a young age she has felt the struggles of life lately in a real way. She is becoming aware of how fast life can change and how you must change with it or you will be pulled behind. 

Jessica's 1 year old is Zay is just that…1 year old. He needs her even when she is sick, even when she needs a break. Everyone needs Jess all the time and I found myself wishing I could get her away for a quick weekend vacation. But, I know even being allowed to just be sick without someone needing her would be a tall ask. 

I wouldn’t call Jess my best friend, although at many points in my life she was just that. Jess is my longest friend. She is one of my longest friends who has remained close to me and so I would say that she is also my deepest friend. She knows me better than anyone else for the simple fact that she is one of the only people I know who has seen me change with age and spirit. She has seen me through all of my break-ups with boyfriends. She has woken me up on hung over mornings during college to gorge ourselves on hash browns and orange juice. She has watched my dress style change, my hair, my ideas, what matters to me. She knows memories that I have only talked about once or twice. She has sat laughing with me till we cried. We have cried, and cried and cried over things as simple as a movies and as life-changing as losing people we love; at times we cried for regaining them back into our lives. She is my longest friend, my deepest friend and she is the closest thing to unconditional love I have ever had.

Jess validates me even though she doesn’t always agree and vise versa. We validate each other becuase when it comes to unconditional love- we have got it down. 

I know she is proud of me and her loving words and enriching comments let me know how much. “You’re doing amazing things” is said in one way or another often. Her belief in me sometimes makes me feel like I am superwoman. 

Living abroad forces me face to face on the battle grounds with myself about who and how I just may be letting down the ones I love back home. Days when Jess is sick make me want to be there the most so I could at least continue to show her love that she shows to me. I want to go back to Little Rock if only to remind her that it is not the women like me who deserve the praise and respect that I often receive- but it is the women like her. 

Selfless, loving, strong, and relentless in her efforts to be a good person/mother/therapist everyday despite the fact that the world does not recognize it. A day in May reserved for mothers isn’t even close to cutting it. 

Jess, you deserve to be recognized everyday (although you would laugh at that.) 

The strongest ones in the world to me are people like you. Women who find themselves with pneumonia and who are still no doubt putting their kids in the bathtub (and sitting with them when they refuse to put their toys up and get out) and reading them a story while you all drift off to sleep. Did I mention that I know you are doing all this alone most days? I love you, and I wish I was home to help. 

I am proud to know you. 

To me, you are the superwoman.