four. Cecelia

It turns out there are two Magnolia Restaurants in Phnom Penh. It didn’t take long to figure out that I was at a different one from my friends and found myself walking down the wet streets passing rows of soliciting tuk-tuk drivers in order to find somewhere to eat dinner, alone again.

About a year ago I decided I needed to spend more time doing things alone. Back home, I am always swarmed with events, things to do, and people to do them with. In fact, going to a movie alone, or eating solo at a restaurant even scared me a little.  But, it was been an early realization in my life that when something brings up fear, it almost always means I have a lesson to learn in that area. I also admired woman who made this  “alone time” a loving practice in their lives and so I too started.  I have become much better at it, and I knew that this extended trip oversees’ would supply me with endless practice as this night and many others have proved.  But this Wednesday in particular, I was missing connection, and found myself disappointed that I didn’t have a chance to talk to another human being after working on my computer all day.

Eventually, I found stumbled upon the Top Banana, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. Within a few minutes, I noticed that singles also occupied the two tables next to me. I began to wonder if they wanted to eat alone, or if they were just like me, new to a city full of expats who were only here for a few months, too short of a time to build relationships perhaps.

Instinctively, I wanted to walk over and ask if they wanted to eat together. They were both older then me- around the age of parents but, the more years you claim the more interesting stories you seem to have. Plus, everyone who finds them selves in Cambodia has an interesting story! It has to be better then sitting at the bar watching the wait staff scurry around in a panicked rush. I sat there for a while…should I just ask them? What was keeping me from doing it?

My roommate called, she was on her way for a drink with me. Still the proposition  kept pulling at my mind so I moved to bigger table. My biggest fear was silly, the worst that could happen was that they said no, and a “no” is really no big deal. Maybe we would disagree on something, but those conversations always seem to help me define my beliefs more, or change my mind which isn’t always a bad thing considering how RIGHT I think I am about certain issues. Maybe it would be awkward and we would have nothing in common? But, that has never been the case for me. I always seem to make friends easily, especially if I am spending time deeply listening to others. If that is the case there is curiosity paralleling no lack of questions. So, I got up with some newfound determination and walked over to the gentleman’s table first then the lady’s. Both smiled then kindly and quickly accepted. So now, three who were eating alone found ourselves sharing our stories on how we arrived in this rainy city and bouncing ideas around about how we are or are not “helping” this beautiful Khmer population as short-term visitors.

It was surely better then having a drink alone wondering what everyone around me was thinking about! Why not just find out!?

Through this I have decided now that we never have to “eat alone” if we don’t want. Don’t get me wrong- it does some courage the first time or two, most things worth anything usually do. I want to be the kind of person who does not have fear about allowing others in my life-even if it is only for the hour it takes to eat dinner.  To be the person you want to be you have to take actions to be that person. You never know whom you will meet, you will always learn something new, and there was so much comfort in knowing even in this big city, I am not as alone as I sometimes talk myself into feeling. In fact that feeling in itself is a choice, and I’ll be the first to admit sometimes it is more comfortable to choose to be lonely, sad, disconnected- then it is to choose to feel apart of things. Happiness takes work.

Over the past few days I have been thinking about how much I would love to live in a world where people ask others to come eat with them when they are alone. What a true sense of community would ignite if we all did this!! I have done this a few times now, and I think it will be a permanent practice in my life as a traveler.

I received and email from Cecelia (turns out she is an Irish ex-teacher who moved to micro-finance, born and raised in New York -now teaching financial skills to Khmer youth at a local NGO), saying thank you and how much she enjoyed our time on Wednesday.  This morning we went to meditation and got lunch again.  She has helped me think more about the urban poor here in Cambodia, and has allowed me to share some of my ideas about change I would like to see for youth and how we can get there as a global community. It’s funny to me that I thought it was such a risk to invite her over for a drink, by not doing that I risked losing a lot more- like a new found friendship. We just don’t seem to think about all the endless possibilities sometimes...